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admin — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 03:58:31 +0000

Mormon Mishaps and Mischief

Danny — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 16:40:34 +0000

The writers over at the LDS Humor blog published a book some time ago and is has won the 2010 Silver Quill Award from the League of Utah Writers. The book has had very good reviews. I have not read it, but have read many of the blog posts of the authors. Mormon Mishaps and Mischief was published in December 2009 and is available for purchase on Amazon.com. If you haven’t read their blog before you should check it out at ldshumor.blogspot.com. They have some funny posts there.

Everything Good Comes From God

Danny — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 03:44:28 +0000

And God Created…
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created fast food and the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Supersize them.” And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.”

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMO’s

… Author unknown

Was Eve a Blonde?

admin — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:12:21 +0000

(Adam) “God, I have two questions concerning my wife, Eve. First, why did you make her so beautiful?
(God) “I made her beautiful so you would be attracted to her”
(Adam) “Why did you make her so stupid?”
(God) “So she would be attracted to you”

Har har. That explains so much.

An LDS bishop calls in sick

admin — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:44:40 +0000

One Sunday morning, an LDS bishop wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his first counselor and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able make it to sacrament meeting.
Way up in heaven, an angel sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”

”No, I guess not,” says God.

The bishop drives about four or five hours away, so he doesn’t bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

The angel watches in disbelief and asks, ”Why did you let him do that?”

To this God says, ”Who’s he going to tell?”

BYU Motivational Poster

admin — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:57:19 +0000

Or, is it a Demotivational Poster for the University of Utah? You decide. Mormons and their college football rivalry are usually good for humorous material. I could probably dedicate a whole section.

What’s With the Third Leg?

admin — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:47:20 +0000

LDS actor James Arrington shared story of the prophet in the April 22, 1999 Provo Daily Herald:

…[A] man came bursting into Brigham Young’s office, crutches flying. He only had one leg, and he shouted, “Now, Mr. Prophet, I want you to give me another leg this instant. Otherwise, I will publish it abroad that you are not a prophet at all.”

President Young apparently told him that would be easy enough, but that consequences would result. Young explained that if he gave him another leg, it would rise with him in the resurrection – as would the other two legs. That meant the man would have to deal with three legs for all eternity.

I think I’ll Go Eat Some Worms

admin — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:17:41 +0000

Sacrament meeting was about to begin and a mother couldn’t find her son. She searched everywhere and finally located him sitting outside on the curb with his head in his hands. She said “Son, we have to go in now. Sacrament is about to start.” He responds, “I can’t go in there, Mom. Nobody likes me. No one will talk to me.” She says “But son, you have to go back in….You’re the Bishop.”

joke found at modernmollymormon

Embarrassed Sister Missionary

admin — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:53:10 +0000

On her first Sunday in a Spanish speaking mission, a sister missionary was asked to give her testimony to the congregation. She approached the podium and, trying to convey how embarrassed she was she told the audience “estoy muy embarasada”. She then pointed to the bishop and jokingly said in Spanish, “and it’s all his fault”. This bishop’s wife stood up and stormed out of the chapel. After the testimony, the sister’s companion told her that “estoy muy embarasada” doesn’t mean I’m very embarrassed, it means I’m very PREGNANT!

Brother Sugarbrown’s Daughter

admin — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:34:40 +0000

A certain little Mormon girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Brother Sugarbrown’s daughter.”

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”

The Bishop spoke to her at church, and said, “Aren’t you Brother Sugarbrown’s daughter?”

She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”